


and death i think is no parenthesis

by anxiousAnarchist



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-10-20
Updated: 2011-10-20
Packaged: 2017-10-24 19:26:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,308
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/267009
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anxiousAnarchist/pseuds/anxiousAnarchist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dave's not the kind of guy to believe in life after death, but there you go.</p>
            </blockquote>





	and death i think is no parenthesis

It's been a long day. If you're going to be precise about it (and honestly, you can be, you have that luxury), the day's been three months, six days, twelve hours, four minutes, and thirteen seconds long.  
You've sort of forgotten what a linear lifestyle is like.

You're looking across the plains of LOHAC and wishing you never had to see this place again. But there's one more thing you've got to do - a few more things, really. They're game critical.

At least, that's what you hope. You never thought of yourself as the sort of guy who gives into desperation, but hey, Striders are full of surprises.

The sword's dripping with multicolored blood, and it takes everything left in you to raise it up, swing it through another enemy. And again. And again. Each time, you think it'll be your last, and each time, you know it won't be, because you've seen future-you and you've seen what he becomes.

Predestination's a bitch.

There's a familiar but long silent little bleep in your ear, and a pesterchum window pops open in your glasses.

You see who it's from and your heart does this aching little dip.

Oh, she's never going to stop torturing you, is she?

  
**\--- gallowsCalibrator began trolling turntechGodhead!---**   


gC: H3Y COOLK1D    
tG: sup tz   
gC: JUST W4TCH1NG YOU.  
gC: H3H3H3H3   
tG: i know  
tG: its hard to resist  
tG: too cool ownin these bitches with my sweet skills  
tG: shit man id think that was creepy but cant say i can blame you   
gC: SOM3TH1NG B3H1ND YOU BRO

You look behind you, and a giant monstrous imp rears its head.

tG: shit  
tG: brb

These have stopped being a challenge to you long ago, but your stomach is sick with knowledge of what is to come, and the teal text is turning your head, and oh what you wouldn't give to just lay down right here and take a nap, but there's no angel-self anywhere around you.

gC: H3Y  
gC: H3Y  
gC: WH3R3D YOU GO  
gC: 1 DONT UND3RST4ND YOUR W31RD HUM4N CH4TSP34K   
tG: wow sorry  
tG: just killin some shit  
tG: bein unimaginably impressive  
tG: savin my hide  
tG: know its hard for us to be apart baby   
gC: 1 N33D TO B3 FOR3V3R YOURS  
gC: M4K3 4N HON3ST WOM4N OUT OF M3   
tG: well get outta this town  
tG: youll be romeo ill be juliet  
tG: ill wear a red dress to our wedding   
gC: 1M SWOON1NG  
gC: B3 ST1LL MY H34RT

You stab another dark _thing_ through its heart, but it bleeds red just like you.

tG: i know. its hard to spend so much time admiring this perfection  
tG: its hard and no one understands  
tG: gotta carry on somehow tz  
tG: carry on my wayward son   
gC: 1 S33 YOU TRY1NG TO CH4NG3 TH3 SUBJ3CT HUM4N  
gC: WH4T DO3S BRB M34N   
tG: dude are you ever going to drop the im an alien schtick  
tG: does our relationship mean that little to you  
tG: stop lyin to me tz breakin my little heart here  
tG: whats a girl to do

You're just messing with her now, trusting on the fact that even she, the blind seer, will be confused enough by the nature of your timelines, to take your query seriously. The truth is, here, you're being selfish. You want her to keep talking to her, want her to babble inanely on about anything and nothing, until you reach your destination. This is a sign of weakness. This is a thing you are painfully aware of.

gC: 1M S3R1OUS!!!!!!!! 1 DONT KNOW WHY YOU DONT B3L13V3 M3  
gC: OH Y34H 1M SUCH 4 COOLK1D 1 B3L13V3 1M 1N 4 G4M3 TO CR34T3 A N3W UN1V3RS3  
gC: 1M K1LL1NG MONST3RS W1TH 4 SH1TTY SWORD FOR BU1lD1NG M4T3R14L  
gC: BUT NO 4L1ENS TH4T SH1TS CR4ZY   
tG: ok fine  
tG: then what do you look like  
tG: i hope you dont have any tentacles rose would probably actually cry  
tG: she would never let you go

Thinking about what she looks like - looked like - as you wrapped her tiny body in a red sheet you'd alchemized, the way her hands curled like she was sleeping softly, the tiny smile on her ashen face - cuts you deep.

Terezi's teal blood stained your red suit, drenched it in color up to the sleeves, but you haven't had the heart to clean it yet. You can't look at it, not without remembering her silly stuffed animals and how you tried not to cry over them. The red glasses are in your sylladex.

gC: OH D4V3. 1 THOUGHT YOUD N3V3R 4SK  
gC: 1 F33L L1k3 1 N33D TO C4PTUR3 MY SP3C13S B34UTY 1N 4RT   
tG: as if i would accept anything less  
tG: come on were classy as shit here  
tG: dont half ass this bitch  
tG: shitty clip art or go home.   
gC: OK H3R3 1S 4 M3R3 FR4GM3NT OF MY M4GN1F1C3NC3

  
**\---gallowsCalibrator sent turntechGodhead H3YCOOLK1D.jpg ---**   


  


  
[   
](http://imgur.com/SVDCm)   


tG: huh.  
tG: wow.  
tG: i think i just had a color seizure or somethin  
tG: are you wearing candy corn on your head.    
gC: NO STUP1D HUM4N THOS3 4R3 MY HORNS  
  
tG: obviously. silly me.  
tG: im tearin up a little over here  
  
gC: TOLD YOU    
tG: your skin is grey?  
tG: did not see that coming.  
tG: i mean now everything forever makes total sense  
tG: i always figured that the little grey people in your comics were some sort of overexaggeration or somethin  
tG: a complex metaphor concernin the nature of internet griefing  
tG: the manifestation of your deeply hidden argyria fetish.  
tG: but yeah.  
  
gC: H4 Y34H W3LL 1TS W31RD W4TCH1NG 4LL YOU P1NK 4ND R3D 4ND BROWN SK1NN3D 4L13NS RUNN1NG 4ROUND.  
gC: 1TS D3L1C1OUS  
  
tG: seriously jealous of your shades here  
tG: damn those are fuckin classy  
tG: i can see why we are such legendary bros  
tG: similar beautiful taste in eyewear 

This isn't irony. You fucking love her glasses.

gC: OUR T4ST3 . . . 1T 1S 4M4Z1NG  
gC: W3 4R3 L1K3 F4T3D  
  
tG: ok managed to wipe the tears from my eyes long enough to really admire this.  
tG: shit man i need to see you draw some more shit this is too wonderful.  
tG: youve been holding out on me with just the clip art 

After you launched her body out into the veil, you found the lab walls covered in her drawings, her sloppy all-caps handwriting (she never wrote without the typing quirk), her energetic color-vomiting doodles. Rose had wanted to scrub them all off but you refused, over and over, stone faced. Your voice got louder every time, and eventually Rose dropped it, her face pitying, and you wished she would just stop.

gC: L3T M3 1LLUSTR4T3 SOM3TH1NG N34RLY 4S COOL 4S M3  
  
tG: waitin with bated breath tG: just gonna sit here, head in my hands  
tG: reexamining my life  
tG:jegus what have i been doin  
tG: wasting this alien girls talent  
tG: on gifs.  
tG: father i have sinned its been thirteen years two hundred thirty seven days thirteen hours four minutes three seconds since my last confession. 

gC: OK YOU C4N STOP YOUR W31RD HUM4N BL4TH3R

  
**\---gallowsCalibrator sent turntechGodhead COOLK1D.jpg ---**   


  


  
[   
](http://imgur.com/zTTxK)   


gC: WHY 4R3 YOU DOWN ON ON3 KN33 

You're down on one knee because you're feeling sort of faint and the sword's heavy in your arms and you just need a second to collect yourself.

tG: need to propose to the woman of my dreams.  
tG: will you be my husband tz. will you provide for me and get me apple juice and just draw me beautiful things all day long. 

You would've liked that.

gC: H3H3H3H3  
gC: 1 ONLY UND3RST4ND 4BOUT H4LF OF TH4T BUT OF COURS3.  
gC: W3 W1LL B3 TH3 MOST 1RON1C OF M4T3SPR1TS.    
tG: hope youve dry cleaned your denim dress  
tG: gotta go get all my red clothes and just drape them over myself    
gC: D4V3 . . . DO YOU TH1NK 1M TH3 K1ND OF G1RL WHO WOULD L3T H3R D3N1M DR3SS F4LL 1NTO D1SR3P41R? 

You don't even think she knows - knew - what denim is.

tG: naw course not.  
tG: too classy for that shit.  
tG: you know my glasses arent red though    
gC: SHHHHH ONLY DR4W1NGS NOW. 

You're fairly close now. A few bridges and lava pools to dodge around, a climb up one of those fucking stupid walls of clockwork, and you'll be there. You can get this done.

Shit, you didn't want Terezi to see this.

tG: hey i hate to break up the love fest  
tG: but why are you talking to me  
tG: theres usually an alternative motive  
tG: to our little conversations 

You hesitate before hitting enter on the next line of text, because you know that, whatever she says, there's nothing you can do to help.

tG: everything ok? 

There was a time you thought you could save her, save all of them, fix the game and give Rose back her whole soul and staunch the bleeding coming from Terezi's eyes, and you tried and tried, a dozen different permutations, but all that came were dead Daves, so many dead Daves. You shipped them all off the asteroid into the dark to join her, and you tried not to look into their eyes.

One time you found a Dave who wasn't quite dead. Half his body was burned and his hands and his neck and his face were bleeding and you hesitated before you ran to him because oh God you didn't want to see this.

He knocked off your glasses and grabbed your face and said "Strider, look at me," in a voice that was your own but fried, like he'd screamed his throat raw.

You felt yourself shaking and you couldn't stop it and he looked at you like I know I know but also If you think that's hard try slowly choking on your own blood.

"You have to get over this," he said. And then he was dead and you were throwing up around the corner where you couldn't see him, till you didn't have anything left inside you at all.

gC: Y3S OF COURS3 3V3RYTH1NG 1S F4BULOUS.  
gC: K4RK4T H4S GON3 ON 4NOTH3R SCR3AM1NG R4MP4G3.  
gC: H3 M4D3 3R1D4N CRY.    
tG: try to resist the urge to lick his tasty delicious grapey tears off his face.  
tG: or whatever it is you do.    
gC: 1 WOULDNT DO TH4T!  
gC: 1 4M S4V1NG MYS3LF FOR TH3 COOL3ST OF K1DS.    
tG: damn straight you are. 

There's a pause in the conversation, and you think it's because now there can't be any doubt in her mind about what you're trying to do.

You reach the platform, perfectly round, and stare at the quest bed.

It's only thirty feet away.

Come on, Strider. Keep it together. You're so close to being done.

gC: 1 JUST W4NT3D TO KNOW . . . WH4T 4R3 YOU DO1NG?  
gC: 1 THOUGHT    
tG: you thought wrong ok  
tG: i dont wanna do this but sometimes you have to do things you dont want to do 

The handle of your sword is slick with sweat.

Sometimes you are so ashamed, so fucking ashamed, of this, of you. Was Bro afraid to die? Was Terezi? He went out fighting with his best bud, cool as ever, and she went out laughing to her last, all razor wit and justice-tongued till the end. You think you're better than them? They were worth a thousand of you, so why, why should killing just one Dave hurt so much?

And sometimes you wonder why the game gave the most power to the weakest player.

Another pause.

gC: YOU DONT H4V3 TO DO TH1S.  
gC: D34D D4V3S 4R3 TH3 3N3MY. 

You know what she wants to say. Karkat told you, after that long bloody night, how she'd cried when she saw the other Dave died. How she ran off. You wipe away what you pretend is sweat, try not to think of how much you've hurt each other, are hurting each other, will hurt each other.

If there's one person you could prevent from ever feeling pain again it's Terezi fucking Pyrope.

tG: not always  
tG: sorry tZ. 

You're standing above him now, and you're hefting the sword in your hand, watching your chest fall up and down, how your hands are sprawled out by your head.

tG: i gotta go now terezi.  
tG: gotta do this on my own 

You're about to log out when she says

gC: W41T! 1 H4V3 ON3 MOR3 P1CTUR3!

and that makes you a little angry, staring there at your soon to be dead dreaming self and she's sending you fucking cartoons but then you open it

  
**\---gallowCalibrator sent turntechGodhead YOURTH3B3ST4ROUND.jpg---**   


  


  
[   
](http://imgur.com/Pu88O)   


and you start crying for real, honest to goodness sobs. You sit down for a moment, on the edge of the bed, sword across your knees, head in your hands.

Terezi's like you in so many ways sometimes, the way she can't say what she feels without masking it under thirty layers of contradiction and sneers and this you think is the closest she's gotten to honest with you, now, now of all times, when she's gone and you're as good as it and oh _the times she should have had._

gC: GOOD LUCK.    
tG: thanks.  
tG: im going to fix everything i promise  
tG: i will i will 

  
**\---turntechGodhead ceased trolling gallowsCalibrator ---**   


You shouldn't have said that. You can't look at her response, lest you be tempted to reply.

You stand again, square your shoulders, raise your sword.

And if you're trembling a little you ignore it because this will work, it has to work, you can save her maybe maybe if you just have enough power, if you're better, if you start being the person she thinks you are.

(And after all it's not like death is the end.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm still not sure whether the art is too understated or overstated for Terezi.


End file.
